Angel Gives Dying Father Wedding Moment

Screen Shot 2015-12-22 at 8.14.58 AM

(By Michael Quintanilla. This aricle, of same title, was posted by Michael in the  San Antonio news paper, and then again in Houston Chronicals.)

During the holiday season, generosity shows up in expected ways: a free turkey and pie dinner at the convention center, a toy drive by Elf Louise, coins tossed into a Salvation Army kettle.
And then sometimes a minute of kindness among strangers – the sort that brings home the heart of Christmas – materializes when least expected. That’s what happened to bride-to-be Chrysalis Autry, 26, when she walked into the Bridal Salon of San Antonio two days after Thanksgiving and met the shop’s owner, Amy Wells.
On Thanksgiving night, after a house full of relatives said good night, Autry’s father, Jack, 65, an accomplished girls basketball coach at Holmes High School, was rushed by EMS to Methodist Hospital; in September he had received a diagnosis of melanoma.
He insisted that his daughter, who will graduate in May from the dental school at the University of Texas Health Science Center, keep her appointment to try on wedding gowns for her mother, her future mother-in-law and other relatives visiting from Houston.

Ten dresses later, Chrysalis settled on an ivory duchess silk and satin dress. But Chrysalis told Wells she couldn’t buy the gown right then and there. Her father was in the hospital, terribly ill. The family needed to hold onto their money.

It was then that Wells, a woman of profound faith in God and trust in people, insisted that Chrysalis “take this gown and veil to the hospital and wear it for your daddy now. Please do it.”

Chrysalis fell into Wells’ arms, crying. She called her mother, Madelyn, into the dressing room and soon she, too, was in tears.

Wells packed the gown and hugged Chrysalis goodbye. No credit card was taken, no deposit exchanged.
Wells didn’t know the young woman’s last name and didn’t ask for a phone number.
Chrysalis remembers asking Wells, “What if we get the dress dirty?” Wells replied, “It’s a piece of fabric.”
Says Wells about that day: “I knew it was fine. There was no doubt in my mind to do this. God was talking to me.”

Screen Shot 2015-12-22 at 8.31.37 AM
Three hours later, after arranging to have one of her two brothers, R.J. Autry, meet them at the hospital with a video camera, the family – and wedding dress – were on the 10th floor where her father, heavily medicated to keep him comfortable, she says, was resting.
Behind the suite’s sliding doors, Chrysalis put on the gown and veil as family members awoke her father on the other side of the suite.
The doors were slowly opened, and there stood Chrysalis, engulfed in a dropped-waist pouf of 15 yards of layered, billowing silk. Her father was able to stay alert for 20 seconds.
“But those 20 seconds were magical,” Chrysalis says.
“My daddy saw me walk in wearing the most beautiful dress. He was really weak. He smiled and just kept looking at me. I held his hand, and he held mine. I asked him if I looked like a princess. He always called me that, a little princess. He nodded. He looked at me a little more, and it almost looked like he was about to cry. And then he went to sleep.”
Three days later, Jack Autry, husband of 42 years and father of three grown children, died.
His funeral followed four days after. (One of Chrysalis’ friends returned the dress to the shop the day her father died.)
Chrysalis has returned to her studies. She and her fiance, Mark Heinkel, 28, are planning to get married Oct. 28 at the Southwest School of Art.
Other wedding-day details must be worked out during the next 10 months, but one thing is for certain: the wedding dress.
“I want that to be the dress,” she says, recalling the gentleness expressed by Wells on that day in November, a gesture that has meant so much more to Chrysalis because of the holidays – a message of simple kindness she does not want to get lost in the hustle of the season.
“This woman had never met me before. She trusted me and showed me that there are still some really good people out there, special people in this world,” she says about Wells’ compassion.
“It’s every little girl’s dream to have her dad see her in a wedding dress. She let my dad and I have that amazing moment.”

The Fragility of Receptivity


Todays guest post is by my friend and mentor, Bob Burg.
He talks about the vulnerable place from which receptivity comes. Those who know me well, know that I stand on the fact that vulnerability is strength. And in this case, vulnerability is financual success. If you have The Go-Giver book, today is the release date of the Expaned Edition.

The Fragility of Receptivity
by Bob Burg

In John David Mann’s and my book, The Go-Giver we discuss the fifth and final law, that of Receptivity and how challenging it can be for so many.

In one sense, the abundance of lack messages permeating our daily lives can create a focus on what is missing rather than on all the natural prosperity surrounding us.

Then, there are worthiness issues that rear their ugly heads from time-to-time. “Am I deserving enough to receive?”

Adding to the above receptivity challenges is that they both typically work on an unconscious level where the person is not even aware that the issues exist!

There’s another aspect to receptivity though that can also stand in the way. While it’s on more of a conscious level, it also means we knowingly have to face some possible fears.

Receptivity can be a fragile thing, because to be receptive, you must leave yourself open. Keeping yourself genuinely open to a yes also means you expose yourself to a possible no.

Having the courage to embrace an unexpected path also means embracing the risk that this path may lead nowhere — or nowhere good.

Perhaps this is the most challenging thing about being receptive: it means allowing yourself to be vulnerable.

The key is to embrace that vulnerability and, rather than letting potentially uncomfortable experiences diminish your joy and sense of fulfillment, let them deepen your ability to receive the abundance you desire…and that you deserve.


The Go-Giver: A Little Story About a Powerful Business Idea by Bob Burg and John David Mann is now available in an expanded edition. It includes a Discussion Guide, Author Q & A and a Foreword by Arianna Huffington. You can receive Chapter One by visiting

Moments we miss, that are not about us, yet have everything to do with our ability to listen on a heart level.


learning how to hear hearts by listening from my heart and into the depth from which a person speaks.
……learning how to hear hearts by listening from my heart and into the depth from which a person speaks.

Moments we miss, that are not about us, yet have everything to do with our ability to listen on a heart level.

The bride rushed into the dressing room and began to cry. My heart knew what was wrong, but as a life coach, I know outcomes are best when given permission to speak into a situation. I waited for her to express with her words, so I could ask her if I could help.

I shared with my client my expertise and experience in relationship building and on being solution-oriented in relational conflict. And then I asked her permission to talk with her mom about the issue at hand. Not only did she agree that I may help, she emphatically said “Please!”

In another room her mom sat oblivious to her blunder. Upon entering I gently stated, “All brides want their moms to love the dress they will walk down the aisle in, and the last thing they want is to think about a negative comment she made about it.” I looked on her with empathy as I saw the problem come into her awareness.

“Oh no, I really messed up, didn’t I?” she asked.

“Not irreversibly.” I answered.

She asked my advice on how to fix it, so I offered suggestions on how to hear her daughter’s heart. Out came the bride from the dressing room, now wearing a different gown.  After a few moments the precious mom stood near her daughter and asked her to go retry the previous gown.

When she returned wearing her favorite gown, the mom wept. Her daughter’s face lit up as she asked her mom, “Do you love it now, too?”

She answered, “I love how much you love it..."
She answered, “I love how much you love it…”

She answered, “I love how much you love it. I didn’t see this before, and for that I am sorry.” They embraced each other as they both cried.

I don’t know about you, but I have missed too many moments when I could have connected on a heart level. I have learned and am still learning how to hear hearts by listening from my heart and into the depth from which a person speaks.

Several months after this, the bride wrote a review stating that her relationship with her continues to be better than it had ever been. Now THAT makes my heart sing!

As we enter the holiday season, step back and take a look at the hearts God has placed in your path. Do you honor them, or do you crush them with your own opinion? Please comment below.

If you wish to receive more posts on client and relationship building, please submit your name and a good email address in the form on the upper right side of my web page.

P.S. If you have tissue, watch this touching video of parents meeting their daughter’s heart donor recipient.  <for video click this link.

When “On It” Does Not Mean “Under You.”

I called Mom who answered her phone sounding hurried. She said she was looking for her phone but couldn’t find it. I said, “Mom you are on it.” She said hold on I will look. I could hear shuffling, then she said, “No, I am not on it.”

Screen Shot 2014-06-08 at 10.22.05 AM I looked at my cell phone to see what number I had dialed, then asked what phone she was looking for. She said “My cell.” That is the phone I was talking to her on. I giggled and insisted that she was “on it.” She sounded irritated with me, but called to my stepdad saying, “Ray, Amy insist that I am on it, will you come look under me?”

I now had a full blown belly laugh going. She was so irritated with me as she said she was “in a hurry and had to hang up so she could find her phone.” Knowing dang well that she was looking under her body, each time I told her she was on it, I said it one more time.

“Mom you are ON IT.” LOL “Amy I AM NOT, we looked.”

I know that hitting the target is not the targets responsibility. In Bob Burg’s book, Adversaries Into Allies, he says, “One surefire way of successfully taking responsibility for hitting the communication target is to avoid giving-or accepting-mixed messages.”

To be more clear in my communication, I asked her what hand she was holding her phone with. She answered “My left. Amy, I am in a hurry.” I said, “Okay okay, look at your left hand, and you will find your phone.” I heard her voice fade as she pulled the phone from her face saying, “Oh look Ray, Amy found my phone.”

Sometimes saying the same thing, the same way, over and over are again, is not effective communication. If I miss my target, I am the one who must adjust.

Giant Jesus Popsicle- My Learning Model For Success


Giant Jesus Popsicle.
Giant Jesus Popsicle.

I got the most people to go to church; therefore, I won the trash-can-sized, giant, Jesus popsicle, that had a 2×4 as the stick. Little did I know that the memory of this event would become my learning model for success.

When I was seven years old, a church bus picked up anybody who wanted to go to church. My brothers, sister, some friends, and I would go each Sunday. I especially loved learning that God lives in the mansion of my heart.Before going to sleep each evening, I sat on the side of the bed, reaching up to tap my heart to let Jesus know to “hang on, because I am laying down now.” I didn’t want Him to fall over when the mansion went on its side as I slept. Each morning I patted my heart to tell Him to “Wake up now; I am getting out of bed.”

The day the Sunday school teacher announced the giant popsicle contest to see who can get the most people to go to church, I began testifying of the love of God. I went door to door that afternoon and told parents and their children that Jesus lives in a mansion in my heart, and He will live in theirs, too. I shared how I was never alone and how He was watchful over me. I told them how “He guides me and protects my every move.” (Tweet)

I shared that all they had to do was meet me at my house, 336 West Cheryl Place, next Sunday morning and the bus would take all of us where they, too, could get Jesus in their hearts. That next Saturday, I again went door to door to remind them that the bus would be there in the morning. Sunday morning came, and there was a long line of twenty-three children in front of my house waiting to get on that bus to go to church.Screen Shot 2014-05-07 at 11.16.03 PM

I was so excited to know that this many children would get Jesus in their hearts that day. (Tweet) I stood by the bus door and cheerfully welcomed each one of them as they boarded. They were excited, too, in fact one little girl, Smelly Cathy they called her, thanked me for letting her know about this. I think it was more my pleasure than hers, because I knew what they were all about to receive.

At church it was announced that I had won the giant popsicle. (Tweet) My new friends and I jumped up and down and cheered. Funny thing is, I had forgotten about the popsicle, because I was so focused on what the children would get. The bus dropped us off in front of my house with the trash-can-sized, popsicle. One of the church employees was trying to pull the giant popsicle out of the trash can, until the bus driver laughingly told them to leave it in the trash can. It took three men to off-load it into my yard. LOL It was huge!

I told the children to wait as I ran in the house to get spoons with which all of us could dig into the popsicle. I ran inside and shouted, “Mom, look outside at how many children have Jesus in their heart mansions,” as I grabbed spoons. She followed me out and said, “Oh, honey, you won! ” I say, they won, because they met their Abba Father that day.

Do you see my learning model for success? First of all, I see that God is my business partner. Next I see that I knew and focused on the value the people would get. Next, I was detached from the outcome of winning that popsicle. Due to being detached from the outcome,  I know I am a winner even without that popsicle, AND the popsicle is great!

Being a Go Giver, (see Bob Burgs book here)  is just who I am, not just what I do.  (TWEETABLE)

Can you think back to an early childhood success, then find your learning model for success?

PS. This post was inspired by an exercise I was asked to do, by Paul Martinelli and Roddy Galbraith  in a group mastermind study of Think And Grow Rich. Thank you my mentors, I love y’all.

Walk In Your Value™

Screen Shot 2014-01-02 at 5.18.59 PMIt was one sentence, one phrase, that changed my life and changed my business. It can change yours too.
At a live event, Bob Burg, co-author of The Go-Giver and author of my second favorite book next to the BibleAdversaries into Allies, spoke on “The Five Laws of Stratospheric Success,” focusing on the difference between selling based on price versus selling based on value. Something shifted in me, and neither my life nor my business has been the same ever since.
In addition to owning AWE, my speaking company, I own The Bridal Salon of San Antonio. That day, while sitting under Bob’s teaching, in regards to my bridal business, I asked myself the question, “What value does my team provide our clients?” Have you ever asked yourself that question?
I began to write what our team has that no other salon can offer. One of the things I wrote is “us.” No other store has our team, our experience, nor our unique way of connecting with brides and their families.
I went back to the Bridal Salon to tell the team all about The Go-Giver and that we were “no longer going to give discounts, because we are walking in our value from this day forward.” Have you ever proposed a change to your team, only to be laughed at? They didn’t like the idea. They knew our brides had been conditioned by our industry – and quite frankly by me and my team – to seek out a discount. Selling at full price was out of their comfort zone and mine. They said, “Oh so we will Go-Giver our commisions away?” LOL I told them “No, no I believe in this with all my heart, and we are going to do it.”  I assured them that I would show them how.
When the first client came in that day and requested a discount, my team tried Walk In Your Value™ walk, but the mother of the bride would have nothing of that. She wanted what she wanted, and she was demanding a discount.  One of my teammates came to my office to tell me that the mom was upset and she wanted to talk with me “RIGHT NOW.” With my newly determined value, I went into the show room “to teach my team how to sell based on communicating value. How they can “Walk In Your Value.™”  I must admit, I did it ugly that first time, but I did it.
There stood the mom of the bride, leaning on the mirror with her arms crossed and a not-so-happy look on her face. (Gulp, yikes…I asked myself, what happened here? I can…I know I can…I can do this. My team is watching, and I am the leader.) By this time, a few of my teammates had frozen in their spot and waited for me to show them how you  “Walk In Your Value™.” (As if….Kiss)
Two of them stood on the other side of the bride, leaning in, all wide-eyed and watching. Another, Lori,  was by the counter behind me, but I could see her through the reflection of the mirror. Her mouth was wide open in wonderment. The bride was standing on the pedestal facing the mirror that her mom leaned on.  So I smiled, and then moved over to stand next to the bride.
The mom in a very firm thick accent said “HAmy I spect morrrre frrrrrom you.” (Roll your R’s and you’ll hear her.) In the reflection of the mirror, I saw Lori drop to the floor behind the counter. I know she was belly laughing.
I looked at her mom, smiled while trying to hold back my dramatic raised-eyebrow look, and said, “You know what, and MORE is what I’ll give you. I’ll give you…”
While speaking with the mom, I moved my focus from her to the bride. I began to primp the bride: worked on her veil and played with her dress, as I finished showing my team how you “Walk In Your Value™.  “…I will give you 19 years of experience. I will give you the delivery of a perfect dress, for the perfect day that your daughter has been dreaming of all her life.”  I said a little bit more before the mom said, “Ho-kay H-Amy, tell me everything I need to know, forrrr my daughter’s wedding, forrrr her perfect day. Tell me your expertise.”
Ha ha, I just had told her all my expertise. LOL It is important to note here, that what we think is valuable to a client, is irrelevant. It is wht the client finds of value that matters. Do you know what your clients value most form your service?
Drawing on my experience and of teh many things brides had told me was important to them, I did my best to communicate those things to her. I went from the top of her head to the soles of her feet, and I gladly shared every valuable piece of advice that my years of experience had taught me about the things that matter most to brides for their wedding day.
The mom and bride listened intently, and when I finished, I asked if there was anything else they want to ask. The mom said “NO,” and she turned to leave. I quickly said, “The way to get your gown is to put half down, and I will place the order, and it will arrive in 12-16 weeks.” The mom never looked back. I told the bride I should measure her now, just in case they want to call me back to place the order. I quickly measured the bride, as her mom was already in her car. LOL
After the bride left, my team was bent over in laughter AT me, certainly not with me. They literally mocked me.  After I finally laughed with them, I said “No, no, I believe in this.  We ARE going to do it.”
Well, the next day the phone rings, and it was the bride.  She excitedly said “Amy, I’m getting the dress,” and she added, “Not only does my mom want me to get the dress, she wants me to pay the full amount today, not just the 50% deposit.”  I finished the transaction before walking around the Salon, strutting a little bit (well more than a little….I taunted a bit as well), saying, “Oh YEAH, that’s the way you walk in value.”
After I shared this story with Bob Burg, he said he believed the fact that I walked in my value provided the mom with a great feeling of confidence. She knew her daughter was going to be taken care of with excellence in the best way possible on this most important day. This caused her to understand that the retail price she’d pay would still be far exceeded by the value they’d receive. 
About a week later, the phone rang and it was a girl with a very thick accent. She said, “Hi, Amy, my name is Adrianna, and my Tia said I must let you help me get my dress because of your expertise.” I asked, “Who is your Tia?” (Tia is an aunt.) She named the godmother. Bob, says that the mom is not only a good client, she is now a personal walking ambassador.
From that day to this day, only one time I fell off the value wagon. Only one time I gave a discount: I offered a discount, and we didn’t get the bride. We didn’t get to help her.
Now when people ask about a bulk discount for, perhaps, getting twelve bridesmaids, I’m able to tell them, “No, you have twelve bridesmaids, and we will give you twelve times the service. From that day to this day, for anybody we’ve said, “no” concerning a discount while communicating our value to them, they have gotten their dresses from us.
We have netted over an additional $10,000 every month since the day I began doing that after attending Bob Burg‘s live speaking event.
There aren’t enough words to say about how walking in value has changed my life and the life of everybody with whom I connect.
I’m thoroughly convinced that if you get the Law of Value on a heart level and walk in it, then the other four laws will fall into place, because everything we do and every Stratospheric Success that we have is based on the value that we offer to people, and not just what we offer, but our ability to communicate it. I highly recommend The Go-Giver, and I highly recommend walking in value.
Have you asked and answered yourself, “What value do I offer my clients?”  Please leave your answers in the comment section.
If you have not already done so, please sign up to the right of this post, for future updates.

Value Story is About the People It Touches

This story begins at The Bridal Salon of San Antonio and hopefully will end in your heart. At the Salon, some days brides cry in our arms as we help them know which dress they love; other days we say a thing or two that helps a mom realize that she is pushing her daughter into wearing the dress that only the mom likes.  This day was the Saturday after thanksgiving, and nothing particularly out of the ordinary had happen so far, until one of my team mates came and got me, to talk with her bride. Little did I know that I would get a life lesson in giving value. (Tweetable)

I went into the dressing room where the bride told me she had found the dress, but couldn’t get it now, because her dad “is in the hospital dying.” I said, “Will you take this dress and veil to the hospital and let your daddy see you?” She tilted her little head side ways as she raised her chin to look up at me. Tears filled her tender little eyes.  And now tears filled my eyes, because I knew at that moment, the words I spoke to her, were a gift. I was giving her a gift; a memory was getting ready to be written on her heart that otherwise would not have happened.

I hurried her out of the salon with the dress, as she turned and said, “You don’t have my credit card and what if I get it dirty?” I said, “It’s just fabric. We are dealing with a heart here; go show your daddy.” (Tweet That) A few hours later, after getting her brother and family together to film the moment with her dad, the family woke her father, opened the suite doors, behind which she dressed and she walked over to her dad. Her words describe it best.

Screen Shot 2013-12-30 at 8.49.37 PMMy daddy saw me walk in wearing the most beautiful dress. He was really weak. He smiled and just kept looking at me. I held his hand, and he held mine. I asked him if I looked like a princess. He always called me that, a little princess. He nodded. He looked at me a little more, and it almost looked like he was about to cry. And then he went to sleep.”

Three days later her father died, and she shared this story with a newspaper reporter Michael Quintinilla who wrote and published a beautiful article about it. (If you would like to read the article, I’ve provided a link: (Read more) )

My lesson in value giving began days later, after I read about the story in the newspaper. Her Dad…I didn’t think of her dad. When I offered for her to take the dress to him, I was just thinking of her, but it also touched a dying fathers heart.

In addition to touching her dad, a gentleman called the Bridal Salon, after reading the newspaper article about it to tell me that the story restored his faith in mankind. (Tweet That) In fact, the Sunday after he read it, his wife again asked him to go to lunch with someone that he didn’t particularly want to go with and that he always said no too. He reflected, on the story, and decided, “to go give it try.” He said he quite enjoyed himself and that he is now a changed person, who will consider his wife’s request more readily.

Another lady walked into my Bridal Salon after reading the article, and said, “My daughter died in a wreck, and I will never be able to give her a wedding, so I want to contribute the first  $100 towards the bride getting her dress.” We wept in each others arms. Before she left, she looked up on a shelf, and there was a picture of her daughters best friend, in a wedding gown.

A tire shop owner was driving on the highway in a hurry, when he passed by a man with a flat. He kept driving, but the story was in his heart, so he turned around and went back the ten miles he had driven away, and helped the man with his tire. It turns out that the 90 yr old man he helped, really touched his heart, because he did not have a cell phone, and had been there four hours; nobody had stopped. The tire shop owner said he will now look for people to help. (Give this a tweet)

Pastor, and New York Times best selling Author Max Lucado used the story as part of his Christmas Sermon, and later included the story in his book called Grace. The chapter he wrote about it is called “Unscrooged Hearts.” (You can buy his book here)

And still, I learned a greater lesson, in value giving: I was reluctant to share the story, but as people who read it called saying it changed their heart, I realized that the story was Gods story, not mine, and  I had to put my ego away and be glad to share with people.  You see, when I just thought about me, I didn’t want to share it, which was making it all about me, but what I discovered was that a value story once shared, is no longer about the story teller, but about the people it touches. (Tweet Dat Line.)

Next To Whom Are You Sitting?


I remember my elegant Granny saying, “If you do not have anything nice to say, do not say anything at all.” (Tweet That)

I bet the senator’s wife of the following story wished she had known my granny when she was a child.


imageAt church, one of my wealthy friends was sitting next to the wife of the senator of whose campaign she generously contributed. The pastor of the church was talking about the new bus ministry. He spoke of how they are busing in the poor underprivileged children, “so they can socialize and be exposed to new and prosperous experiences.”


The senator’s wife leaned in to the wealthy contributor and snootily whispered, “I am not sure how I feel about my children socializing with bus ministry children.” 


Without missing a beat, the lovely contributor whispered back, “Well, you are sitting next to one.” 


What thought comes to mind, when you read this? How would you have responded?

Oh, the rest of the story: After the meeting, the contributor helped the senators wife feel better, by assuring her that she too had said things she wished she hadn’t. She was gracious with her.



How To Respond Your Way Out of Victim-hood

Awe with green back ground
 With his intention set on creating closer family relationships, “Anthony,” my client, worked on how to respond his way out of victim-hood. With positive intentional responses, there is no relationship that can’t be made better.(Tweet That).   

For the purpose of this story, a reaction is a not-so-positive way of acting that results in separation rather then reconciliation. A response, on the other hand, is based on kindness to self and to others with the intention of positive results.

Shortly after Anthony arrived at his brother “Ben’s” house, Ben told him that he would be sleeping on the pallet on the shed floor. Ben literally picked up Anthony’s duffel bag, and with Anthony, his niece “Carly,” and sister-in-law “Claire” following him, he carried it out to the shed.

Anthony told me, he was just “going with the flow as to not create friction.” But after he saw the pallet of blankets and a pillow on the floor, he felt like a victim again, “because there was a perfectly good guest room in the house.”

Before our work together, Anthony’s auto-reaction would have been to silently lie on that pallet and feel bad about how he was being treated. Or he would have over-reacted thereby looking like the one who was unkind.

Anthony remembered his intention of creating better family relationships, while respecting himself and others. (Tweet that) He picked up his duffel bag from the shed floor, and gently turned to walk towards the house, as he walked past all three of them saying, “Oh, no thank you. I am the guest; I will be sleeping in the guest room.” (The key here is the kindness in the response, and remaining kind regardless of what Ben did, or would do.)

His brother Ben, his sister-in-law Claire, and his tiny niece Carly all followed him as he stepped into the guest room, sat on the edge of the bed, and said, “This is fine, I will be comfortable here.”

Ben stood in the doorway of the guest room with his hands on his hips. His little niece was looking up at her dad as if expecting his customary explosion, as was Ben’s wife. Anthony told me,  he knew in that moment that he was showing his family how to respond their way out of victim-hood with kindness. “Well, okay then,” said Ben who just turned and walked away, not bringing it up again.

The next day, Claire, his sister-in-law, commented to Anthony about how different he was, and she told him she respected him more in that moment than she ever had before.

Since that day, Anthony’s brother has reached out to him to ask “how he got so much freedom?” He too, wanted what Anthony had. It turns out that Ben,  may have been shouting, “Somebody stop me,” because Ben is much happier in Anthony’s new found strength too.

I know sometimes, I still have to stop, and think of my intention, before I respond, Do you? It does become a natural response after practicing this though. When have you dealt with certain situations in a reactive way? Do you see that the relationship can be better served with an intentional response?



Belief Systems and Effective Communication

AdversariesintoAllies-stackedToday’s post is written by my mentor and dear friend, Bob Burg. Bob’s newest book, Adversaries Into Allies was released today, October 31, 2013. Drawing on his own experiences and the stories of other influential people, in this book, Burg offers five simple principles of what he calls Ultimate Influence™ — the ability to move people to your side in a way that leaves everyone feeling great about the outcome… and about themselves!

Belief Systems and Effective Communication
by Bob Burg

Why is it so often the case that, what we’re absolutely sure we know…turns out to be wrong? Tweet This Because, we make decisions based on very limited information; information controlled by our personal Belief System.

Our Belief System is a combination of upbringing, environment, schooling, news media, television, movies; really, every experience our mind ever takes in.

It operates unconsciously and drives our thoughts and behaviors without our even being aware of such.

It is also the root cause for practically all miscommunication.

How do we overcome this and communicate much more effectively?

First, we need to become aware that, while we are acting unconsciously out of our own Belief System, the other person is, too. Yes, two very different sets of beliefs are in play!

Next, we practice staying aware; constantly checking that we are making decisions based not on appearances but on what really is.

Here’s an effective way to work within this context in order to practically ensure that both you and the other person come out winners.

When in conflict, ask yourself four questions:

1. How is my personal Belief System distorting the actual truth of the situation?

2. How is his or her personal Belief System distorting the actual truth of the situation?

3. What questions can I ask this person that will clarify my understanding of their version of the truth (their Belief System)?

4. What information can I give that will help them clarify their understanding of my version of the truth (my Belief System)?

As the saying goes, within conflict between two or more people, there are generally three truths: your truth, their truth, and the actual truth (really, those first two truths are actually beliefs).

Through questions, as well as a caring exchange of information, the real truth can usually be discovered, generating understanding, respect and peace. This leads to results in alignment with our Belief Systems in which both people win, feel great about the situation, and about each other.


Excerpted from Bob Burg’s new book, Adversaries into Allies. Best known as coauthor of The Go-Giver, Burg’s newest book will help you to become a top influencer and persuader, learning how to consistently obtain the results you want, while helping everyone come away a winner. You can get Chapter One by visiting

Amy's hearts' work is focussed on other peoples success. She will walk you through the steps it takes to get to your dream. She takes you from where you are, to where you want to be.