Tag Archives: Adversaries Into Allies

When “On It” Does Not Mean “Under You.”

I called Mom who answered her phone sounding hurried. She said she was looking for her phone but couldn’t find it. I said, “Mom you are on it.” She said hold on I will look. I could hear shuffling, then she said, “No, I am not on it.”

Screen Shot 2014-06-08 at 10.22.05 AM I looked at my cell phone to see what number I had dialed, then asked what phone she was looking for. She said “My cell.” That is the phone I was talking to her on. I giggled and insisted that she was “on it.” She sounded irritated with me, but called to my stepdad saying, “Ray, Amy insist that I am on it, will you come look under me?”

I now had a full blown belly laugh going. She was so irritated with me as she said she was “in a hurry and had to hang up so she could find her phone.” Knowing dang well that she was looking under her body, each time I told her she was on it, I said it one more time.

“Mom you are ON IT.” LOL “Amy I AM NOT, we looked.”

I know that hitting the target is not the targets responsibility. In Bob Burg’s book, Adversaries Into Allies, he says, “One surefire way of successfully taking responsibility for hitting the communication target is to avoid giving-or accepting-mixed messages.”

To be more clear in my communication, I asked her what hand she was holding her phone with. She answered “My left. Amy, I am in a hurry.” I said, “Okay okay, look at your left hand, and you will find your phone.” I heard her voice fade as she pulled the phone from her face saying, “Oh look Ray, Amy found my phone.”

Sometimes saying the same thing, the same way, over and over are again, is not effective communication. If I miss my target, I am the one who must adjust.

Belief Systems and Effective Communication

AdversariesintoAllies-stackedToday’s post is written by my mentor and dear friend, Bob Burg. Bob’s newest book, Adversaries Into Allies was released today, October 31, 2013. Drawing on his own experiences and the stories of other influential people, in this book, Burg offers five simple principles of what he calls Ultimate Influence™ — the ability to move people to your side in a way that leaves everyone feeling great about the outcome… and about themselves!


Belief Systems and Effective Communication
by Bob Burg

Why is it so often the case that, what we’re absolutely sure we know…turns out to be wrong? Tweet This Because, we make decisions based on very limited information; information controlled by our personal Belief System.

Our Belief System is a combination of upbringing, environment, schooling, news media, television, movies; really, every experience our mind ever takes in.

It operates unconsciously and drives our thoughts and behaviors without our even being aware of such.

It is also the root cause for practically all miscommunication.

How do we overcome this and communicate much more effectively?

First, we need to become aware that, while we are acting unconsciously out of our own Belief System, the other person is, too. Yes, two very different sets of beliefs are in play!

Next, we practice staying aware; constantly checking that we are making decisions based not on appearances but on what really is.

Here’s an effective way to work within this context in order to practically ensure that both you and the other person come out winners.

When in conflict, ask yourself four questions:

1. How is my personal Belief System distorting the actual truth of the situation?

2. How is his or her personal Belief System distorting the actual truth of the situation?

3. What questions can I ask this person that will clarify my understanding of their version of the truth (their Belief System)?

4. What information can I give that will help them clarify their understanding of my version of the truth (my Belief System)?

As the saying goes, within conflict between two or more people, there are generally three truths: your truth, their truth, and the actual truth (really, those first two truths are actually beliefs).

Through questions, as well as a caring exchange of information, the real truth can usually be discovered, generating understanding, respect and peace. This leads to results in alignment with our Belief Systems in which both people win, feel great about the situation, and about each other.

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Excerpted from Bob Burg’s new book, Adversaries into Allies. Best known as coauthor of The Go-Giver, Burg’s newest book will help you to become a top influencer and persuader, learning how to consistently obtain the results you want, while helping everyone come away a winner. You can get Chapter One by visiting www.AdversariesintoAllies.com.